


Something That Horrified Him

by probablyaceok



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Despair, Despair Disease (Dangan Ronpa), Despair Naegi Makoto, Gen, Sickfic, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26663194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/probablyaceok/pseuds/probablyaceok
Summary: He’d woken up feeling sick, and when he showed up for breakfast he’d found he wasn’t the only one. More than that, each of the ill was also showing strange symptoms that changed their personalities.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 155





	Something That Horrified Him

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Prompt_Master](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prompt_Master/gifts).



> well I talked about this a bit with @Prompt_Master (@prompt-master on tumblr) a while ago and finally got around to writing this!

Makoto sank to the ground, back to the door, his hand held over his mouth in horror. His skin felt hot against his hand. Sweat dripped down his face.

Even as he tried to stop it, his mind wandered back to what had just happened. He’d woken up feeling sick, and when he showed up for breakfast he’d found he wasn’t the only one. More than that, each of the ill was also showing strange symptoms that changed their personalities. ‘Despair Disease’, Monokuma had called it.

When he thought back on what he’d seen, that same feeling of powerlessness came over him again.

That same feeling of despair.

And just like earlier, when he was there with the others, that feeling was followed by something else, something… 

Something that felt good at seeing their despair.

Something that horrified him. 

He knew he could fight against despair from the outside, he could help keep everyone’s hopes up, but like this? With a part of himself that felt eager for another murder to occur?

For something like that to happen, it was just…

He suddenly shook his head, rejecting the thoughts that had wandered into his mind. With that, he suddenly snapped back into awareness of the room around him, the rough carpet under his knees, and the messy bed in front of him where he’d twisted and turned through the night.

Yeah, he thought to himself. He could handle this. He just had to stay away from the others, from anything that could set it off, because he could imagine how it would feel to kill one of the others and the idea disgusted as much as it enticed him.

He pulled himself up onto his bed, and lay there. Time seemed to lose its meaning as he lay there looking up at the ceiling, noticing all the cracks in the paint he had never seen before. He thought he heard someone knocking at the locked door of his room, but he wasn’t certain he didn’t just imagine it.

As he lay there, burning up on the sheets, he found his mind falling back into the thoughts he had been trying to avoid. Would it be so bad for him to just die here, he thought? After all, once someone died, the disease would be cured, with just the sacrifice of his life. No, that was wrong he thought, but in his fever-addled state he couldn’t remember exactly why. Something about it just felt wrong.

As time went on, he began to feel worse and worse. Hunger and nausea battled in his gut. But even as thoughts of just leaving himself there to die swirled around in his head, the part of him that had always hoped stayed optimistic. And Makoto…

Makoto  **hated** that. 

He  _ hated _ that his own nature was stopping him from feeling the one good thing he had right now.

He  _ hated _ that no one was there for him.

And most of all he  _ hated _ that he felt that way.

But maybe, he wondered, maybe he could have it both ways? Could he feel that terrible, wonderful,  _ despairing  _ feeling and still help the others? After all…

If this was making him want to die… 

if even someone as optimistic as him was being overwhelmed by this killing game…

**Wouldn’t it be better to just kill them all?**

Makoto pulled himself up off the bed, catching a glimpse of his dishevelled appearance in the bathroom mirror through the open door. He struggled as he stumbled towards the door, but he was being driven by a purpose now. More than just a purpose.

He was being driven by a hope.

  
  
  
  



End file.
